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“If there is no ups and downs, it means that you are dead”
I just saw this without the picture and realized the deeper meaning…
I will never get over this
Woah
(via ilovejazzy552)
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some guy just called my number thinking i was a male prostitute, and he started talking to me about how much he could pay me so i pulled up gunshot noises on my computer and started screaming and he panicked and hung up
911 jUST FFUCKING CALLLLED ME IA AMC LAUGHHING SO HARD I TOLD THEM THE SITUEATION AND I’M STULL FUCMKING LAUGHING BECUASE NO W HTE’YRE TRACING THE GUY TO ARREST HIM FOR TRYING TO SOLICITEA ND PAY FOR SEX
I’VE DONE A GOOD
(via ejacutastic)
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sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST
(via ejacutastic)
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did i kill somebody with michelle obama and forget about it
(via xo-thisjoiint)
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Fabulous Llama is FABULOUS!
(via xo-thisjoiint)
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“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
(via xo-thisjoiint)
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Hi
whatcha doin?
oh word? lemme see.
am i in the way?
oh.
it’s cool, i’ll leave.
NEVER. FORGET.
…..that this was hilarious.
Aww, man. I miss Mo.
But…I’m not Mo.
who the hell is mo?
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CAN SOMEONE PREACH ANY BETTER THAN THIS PERSON HERE ??
Didn’t Think SO…
… Valid point.
(via loveemebecausei)
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if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
(via sugarandhoney)
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so am i getting my snack wrap or
Did someone summon the McDevil?
(via stardustcrusade)
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(via ejacutastic)
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A customer walked up to me the other day and said “Tell me what’s wrong with this.” It took me a second, and now every time I walk past it the sign just pisses me off.
(via nickiminajsnipples)
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being hot but also feeling like you need something over your legs
being hot but also being unable to sleep without a blanket
being hot
(via calmyotitz)
